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The Hillbilly and the Coon-Ass
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The Hillbilly and the Coon-Ass

I was born in the mountains and raised by a bear. I have a double set of jaw-teeth and a double coat of hair. I have a cast iron belly and a big steel rod. I’m a hearty old soul. I’m a Hillbilly by God!

I would be willing to bet my bottom dollar that there are a hundred variations of the same sort of commentary for the true Coonass. I know there are at least a hundred variations I have heard over the years in regards to hillbillies, and I cannot imagine that it would be that much different in most regards for a Coonass. Why would I believe such a thing? And how can I presume to know?

Well, it is not that I do know, but what I do know is that among the most outstanding, stout and resolute cowboys I have ever met and/or had the privilege of working with, a great many of them were either hillbillies or coonasses.

 

Now this should not in any way be seen as any kind of disparaging remark against the Great Western Cowboy. His is an historical and irreplaceable role in American culture, history and tradition, and us hillbillies and coonasses have just come in to make our own mark on this fine and outstanding lifestyle1.

Mind you, and again for added emphasis, that should also not in any way be interpreted to mean that the Cowboys I have worked with who were born and raised in the American West were any less stout and resolute, as most all of them I have been honored to work with have been really good men in every sense of the word … but this is not their story … this is a story about a hillbilly and a coonass.

(Mind you, you could replace either one with a real, Western, native born and bred cowboy and this story would remain just as accurate in regards to their fortitude and desire to come out on top, no matter the cost)

I will freely admit to taking some literary license with the continuation of this story … and expanding it out ad infinitum, though I will also say that I have seen many instances wherein this holds true … even to the extent that it carries on through family bloodlines.

This particular story goes back farther than just about anyone can remember, and to be honest, nobody at all I can find even remembers what may have started all the fuss. To make a long story short, the Hillbilly and the Coon-Ass had crossed paths on the wrong foot in some forgotten time past and had at each other. They had apparently gone fist to cuff for quite some time, even to the point of the spectators getting tired.

The bartender, being a man of principle from the mountains, had apparently laid down three rounds from his .45 into the parking lot blacktop and declared it a draw … and as best as anyone can recollect he even bought the first round himself … which would have made some sense as it would not have been at all possible to get either one of those two fellows to concede defeat to the other.

Regardless, the next time that they happened to meet in town, they both felt obliged to finish their obligations and put an end to the matter once and for all … and so it went.

The Hillbilly and the CoonAssOn some occasions, each one would eventually get the best of the other, even to the point of knocking each other out from time to time. Hell, even they could not remember what had started all of the fuss, but they were determined to finish it to their satisfaction … which meant finishing it by coming out on top of course, which meant that on those occasions when one did sufficiently beat the other into submission of a sorts, the one who had been beaten would be obliged to return the favor.

Thus, this became an endless succession of victories and defeats for the twain, each, leaving the other in a position whereby they felt compelled to continue back into the fray, in what would likely be an ongoing battle for as long as they might live in this world. But why is such a tale of any importance whatsoever in the world today?

There is currently a great big “social justice” movement against any male who dares to present himself as masculine in any way. Women who consider it as a personal attack on their character when a man dares to be so presumptuous as to open a door for them, then decry the very same men when those men fail to defend the women.

These women who have deemed any act of kindness or what we used to call “common courtesy” to be a personal affront, nowadays deem common courtesy to be “misogynist” or “chauvinistic” in nature, despite the lack of any malicious desire or intent on the part of the male who, some of us would openly declare, was raised properly, with an ingrained sense of respect for women.

One university in Texas of all places, has actually introduced a program to assist men in removing any traces of masculinity from their existence in “civilized society”. If this can happen in Texas of all places, it can happen anywhere. However, if we are to survive as a species, or to thrive, the masculine male will, by necessity, be an integral part of that expansion.

In the third paragraph of this little tale, I noted that this should not be considered to belittle others in any way, and I did mean that in every sense of the word. (I certainly did not write it because I am concerned about controversy. There is always a great deal of controversy involved anytime you speak truth to power and have the audacity to buck the accepted standards of societal norms and abnormalities!)

I also made similar notations in the story lamenting how “You Can Always Tell A Texan” but again, there was a very separate and distinct purpose for that. Neither, despite this story which will hopefully serve to tie the pieces together more completely and comprehensively, was meant as a personal attack on anyone.

It is not any more an attack on Texans who are not the proverbial Texans than it is a Hillbilly who is not the proverbial Hillbilly or the Coon-Ass who is not the Proverbial Coon-Ass or even the Social Justice Warrior who may perfectly understand the workings of “civilized society” but be more lacking in some facts and knowledge when it comes to life in more rural and isolated settings.

What it should be perceived as, is a pure and simple statement, that, no matter how we may evolve as a society and as a species, that there will always be a place for the alpha male, or for the proverbial, testosterone laden, masculine figure.

Now before you get going, if you have not already slammed the book shut and walked off … in which case, it is likely just as useless attempting to engage in any meaningful discourse with you to begin with … if you cannot work on discussin’ without the cussin’ we are probably just going to waste our time in a pissing contest and actually resolve absolutely nothing.

This is not in any way to be seen as disparaging to anyone … and that is the entire point behind these writings. There are good and bad in each and every aspect of society. There are good men and good women, all good in their own rights and all who will be useful in their roles … but the secret … and herein lies the ultimate key, is to determine the strengths of the individual and to work with them as an individual, and NOT to merely try to neatly label them, check off a neat little check box in a neat little column and presume that you and your theories and your stereotyping are so good that it will all fit at the end of the day.

Rather, it is imperative to rate the individual based in their individual merits, their individual strengths and their individual weaknesses, regardless of what our personal perceptions of them may be or regardless of what their proclivities may be and regardless of what their race (or more accurately, their persuasion) may be and regardless of what their gender may be.

If you cannot get past that stage, we probably do not even have enough common ground to begin a discussion, much less to have a productive session of social intercourse wherein anything meaningful can be accomplished. The funny thing here is, that a lot of the so-called “Social Justice Warriors” will be cheering this portion, while at the same time, decrying the place of the stereotypical masculine, testosterone-laden male because in their limited world view, there does not exist any place for that persona … but indeed, that is the very heart of the persona and the world that this book was written in, for and about.

Believe you me, I have met women who hit every bit as hard as any man, and more than a few women that can shoot better than most men. However, they are not my friends because they are tough or weak, they are not my friends because they are masculine or effeminate, at the end of the day, I have my friends, because in my estimation, they are people of good character.

If you are a good person, I would be proud to call you my friend, to make a stand beside you or fight back to back with you against the world if that is what it takes, because at the end of the day, everything boils down to exactly who we are as individuals. This book just happens to be about the typical, masculine male, and if you cannot appreciate him for his merits, than he, like me, probably would not set well as a friend or an ally.

1The irony of course is not lost on me, that I speak so conveniently about anonymity while trying to pawn off my book on anyone who will have it, but despite that fact, most of us really do shun the spotlight and feel no need to bask in the glory, preferring instead to take in the fresh night air and the Northern lights in its stead.

Let us know what you think please!

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